What exactly am I doing with my life?

Does anybody else just sometimes sit back and look and their own life and ask the question

'What exactly am I doing with my life?'

Recently I've been doing this a lot and by a lot I mean.. A LOT.

It's the most horrible, empty feeling and leaves me feeling tired, depressed and unmotivated.

Most of this is due to the fact I work a lot and don't see my friends, family or even my fiance any more than a couple of times a week, and I guess after a while it just gets sad, and kind of lonely. My job isn't the worst, and I know many people have it worse than me but when I was younger I always imagined myself to be getting up every morning and going to a job I love, and I always used to say that I would much rather be in a lesser paid job and be happy than a well paid job and be unhappy. But getting older teaches you that this isn't always how it turns out and it saddens me to think that I may not be living my life to the best it can be.

I think that is what scares me the most, the fact that I am 20 in less than 3 months and thats my teenagehood over, forever. I will never ever be a teenager again, and this is where life starts to get serious, scary and adulthood kicks in. And it worries me that I have wasted my time being a teenager by working too hard and being too cautious at life. When you first turn 13 and you are a teenager for the first time its the best thing in the world, and I can vividly remember thinking that I had years ahead of me to have fun and gain life experience before becoming an adult and settling down in life, and now that's quickly and rapidly starting to get closer and closer, and what do I have to show for it? I went to school, college and now work, constant work. University was never an option for me and I don't regret not going because its just not my thing, but I regret not being more confident as a child and doing more adventurous things, I was always much too cautious. Most teenagers go through a phase when all they do is go out every weekend and drink, go to clubs and party until sunrise, but I never joined in, always saying no to the invites and staying at home in the comfort and safety of my bedroom until eventually the invites stopped happening because my friends knew the answer before they has even asked me out. 

I am not in any way saying I had a bad childhood because I 100% did not, and I guess everybody is different and I just don't enjoy clubs or partying in the slightest and that doesn't make me boring (no matter how many times my friends told me I was) I just didn't find those things fun, and still don't. But I guess saying no to these invites as a 13 year old was okay because I had ages and ages to build up the confidence to say yes, but now all that time I used to have, I just don't have any more and what if I wasted those years?

There are parts of my life which I don't regret at all, the main one being getting engaged young. I consider myself to be extremely lucky. I have managed to find someone who understands me and loves me for who I am and although we get judged endlessly when people find out how young we are and planning our wedding but as sloppy as it sounds, I actually feel so much better about life when I am with him and I get that 'everything is going to be okay' thought when we are together so why shouldn't we be engaged? screw what everyone else thinks! 

But then life happens and I don't see him for days or weeks on end and that 'everything is .going to be okay' thought fades until I can know longer hear it anymore. 

This post has turned quite depressing and moany and I do apologise and I would be genuinely shocked if you anybody but myself has read this far but I use my blog as a place to get away and relax, and although I try and keep it a positive place, it is also parts of my life and currently this is my life and how I am feeling, so I guess I am just using this little space to free my mind a bit. I won't be throwing the link of this blog post around like on my Twitter feed like most posts I write, I'm just going to leave it here and let whoever comes across it to read it, and it would be kind of comforting - in a selfish kind of way - to know if anyone else feels the same way about life as me at the moment?

I wrote a post a few months ago stating how I wanted to make changes to my life and think positive about things that went wrong and take them a as a push in the right direction, but recently I have found this so hard. It has kind of just got to a point where I just don't know what to do, I wake up everyday feeling unmotivated and frustrated at life and myself, how do I change this?

I want to start living my life properly, and not like a working machine.

Unhappy, exhausted, lonely and frustrated.

I promise next weeks post will be happier and a bit more me. I just needed to let a lot out and this is the best place for it, either that or I'd explode or cry - not that theres anything wrong with a good old cry every now and again..

xox

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Wedding Dress Shopping & Overcoming Fears

I can't actually believe I have just written that title.

To be honest I cant believe I've just been and tried on wedding dresses.

WEDDING DRESSES.

W E D D I N G D R E S S E S

sorry but I'm a scared, nervous, excited, panicky mess all at the same time.

I arranged a slot to go into a little bridal store in my town that I had heard amazing things about and was not disappointed in the slightest. The shop was so small, cosy and smelt delicious, and the thing I loved the most was that the front door was locked the entire time so it was just us in the room and not just any old so and so walking through the door.

At the time of booking it I was excited and looking forward to it and that was about it, but this morning when the day arrived, my nerves went into overdrive. I showered even though my hair didn't need washing, shaved my legs to an inch of their life, moisturised and even wore matching underwear! (which was a struggle to find in its self)

 Whilst doing so it suddenly hit me what I was most nervous about, the fact that I would be standing in just my underwear in front of a complete stranger whilst she helped me into wedding dresses that may not suit me, and make me look ridiculous. I am also very prone to getting spots on the top of my back. I use a special body wash in the shower to help get rid of them but every now and then they flare up and today - of all days!!!!!! they decided to come back to haunt me, and its a complex I am really self conscious about.

The more I dwelled on these issues the more and more closer I got to too cancelling the slot I had booked. 

My mind was racing all day, and I got more and more self-conscious. 

  

'What if I look fat in the dresses?'

'What if none of them look right and I just don't suit wedding dresses?'

'What if I get told that I look horrible?'

'What if I choose the wrong style?'

'What if she thinks my spotty back is disgusting?'

These 'what ifs' were never ending and they were taking up my day, I had a meeting in the morning at work and could barely concentrate on what was being said, I was just watching the clock counting down the minutes until I would be trying on the dresses.

My Mum and Sister came along with me and I did text my sister telling her I was nervous, and she told me not to worry.

Once getting into the little shop and picking out my favourite dresses and talking about the date, the style, the venue, my fiance etc etc etc the time came to actually try on the dresses.

I left the comfort of my Mum and Sister in the main shop and went into the dressing room with the lady to get into the dresses, and now looking back (even though it was literally an hour ago) I am really quite proud of myself! 

I got undressed into my underwear and made my self look a lot more confident than I felt whilst she was helping me into the dresses, and it wasn't scary at all. I was just annoyed at myself for wasting an afternoon worrying about it.

And I can know honestly say that trying on wedding dresses is one of THE BEST experiences I have ever had. There were ones I didn't like and ones I loved, and one in particular that I have picked out as my favourite, which I will be going back to try again.

Today is a day I will remember forever but not just for trying on wedding dresses and the reality of getting married and being a wife literally hitting me really hard (in the nicest way)

but I also managed to over come self conciousness. Not that its gone completely in any shape or form, but I feel some part of me is a tiny bit more confident (especially when I was told I have a lovely figure for fitted dresses - oh slight little wedding dress hint there ;), keep that one quiet please...) and for that I am proud of myself!

All in all, today has been a good day!

P.S sorry in the lack of photos in this post, but I am not showing anyone the dresses I tried or which one was my favourite as its a complete secret until the day.

#

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Taking and Editing Autumnal Photos

Out of all social media sites, Instagram is a my favourite, and the one I always check first thing in the morning. 

(I am one of those people that are too obsessed with making sure my theme all matches and goes with the current season..sad I know!)

After many many months of researching different cameras, going into camera shops and trying out different makes and saving up my money, I finally bought myself a Canon EOS 700D DSLR, and I love it!

At the moment I only have the standard lens that came with the camera, so I cant use it for its highest potential but it does the job and the quality of the photos are amazing!

Now that Autumn has arrived I have been taking my camera with me on days out and dog walks because everything just looks so pretty, colourful and warm and just perfect to photograph.

My Instagram at the moment is full of autumnal photos, and I am loving the way it looks, some of these have been taken on my camera but the majority are from my iPhone 5S, which to be far has a pretty good camera on it anyway, especially for close ups.

I'm going to show you how I take and edit my photos for Autumn, just as I love seeing how other people do theres and I thought it would be nice to share how I edit mine :)

Please bear in mind I am not in any way a professional, nor am I trying to be one I edit and take my photos entirely on my own, and just apply what I think looks nice. (And I'm 100% sure that many of your out there are much much better at this than me ;))

Firstly I chose a scene that looks light and colourful which compliments Autumn the most, so for example this could be leaves, trees, grass, the sunsetting etc etc.

Then if I have my camera on me I will set it to the right setting so Macro for close ups, auto flash on for dark scenes and auto no flash for general outside photos. For warm photos I generally don't use the flash mode as this adds more light which can make the photo look washed out and cold.

I edit my photos using VSCOcam and stay away from Instagram filters as much as possible, just as I feel they take the quality away from photos some times.

The edit I use the most for autumnal photos is 'M5' and 'M3' (If you download the VSCOcam app this will make perfect sense to you!).

These edit filters add a browny orangey warm feel to photos. 

Normal photo without a filter (taken on iPhone 5S)

The same photo with M5 added and faded to +9.

This basically means you add the filter and then choose how strong you want the filter to be, +12 being the highest.

This filter has made the photo look much more autumnal, but I then change the brightness and, saturation, exposure and temperature to make the photo look a bit better...

This is the completed edited photo (I did this really fast just to give you an example) with the following added to the filter - 

Exposure -2

Saturation +3

Temperature +2

Skin Tone -3

I just kind of add and take away these sections until I think the photo looks nice and fits the look I was going for, I don't think theres any right or wrong way of doing this to be honest! 

The thing I love about VSCOcam the most is simply that it makes editing photos so easy and quick, and its an app for your phone so you can literally edit on the move. I normally take the photos (if on my phone) edit them if we stop at a cafe or something or in the car on the way home and then upload my favourite ones later.

Heres a few before and after editing...

You may realise on some photos that the before and after weren't that much different, but I don't see this as a bad thing, because if you have taken a photo in really good lighting and with strong colours, then theres not really much to change, and not every photo that gets uploaded to Instagram has to be necessarily edited anyway, it all depends on what you like and what look you are going for.

For example just by changing the edit on a photo, could make it look like it was taken in Autumn, when really it was taken in Summer...

Taken on holiday in the middle of Summer ^

The same photo but with an Autumn edit ^

So basically its very easy to cheat, if you don't have any photos taken in Autumn to upload ;)

Selfies, which we all know we take but hate to admit ;) I also try and edit using an Autumn edit just to carry on the theme, and it gives them a lovely warm look which compliments your skin and eyes.

Soooooo lets not tell anyone else, but I only ever take selfies stood in a particular area in my house (haaahaaahaaa.) which is in my parents room by their window as the natural light always shines in here and makes the photo have much better quality.

Before editing ^

After editing ^

Before editing ^

After editing ^

(I apologise for the pictures of my face..and the awful fact I can't smile properly haha.)

I hope you found this useful in some way and it inspires you to go out and take photos for all things Autumn :)

P.S Don't forget to follow me on Instagram!

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Bedroom Tour - Autumn Edition #1

Autumn interior decorating is my absolute favourite type of any interior design. Its the time for cosy cushions, big fluffy blankets, cute fairy lights and everything copper, brown, golden and green.

So, when it comes to my bedroom, I like to keep the style simple and tidy, yet cosy and fitting to the season. During the summer, I bought fake daffodils (as real ones make my sneeze) and replaced all my fairy lights from the previous winter with lightly coloured bunting to match the colour scheme of my bedroom (pastel green and cream). I also bought new throws for my bed which were white and fluffy to lighten up the room for summer, and also purchased a few succulents to place on my desk.

But now the cosy season of Autumn and winter has arrived its goodbye to the summer bedroom and hello to scented candles and fluffiness.

I'm going to show little snippets of my bedroom rather than a full bedroom tour, as my room is my most favourite place ever to be and its kind of nice to keep it private. I'm sure you all have places you feel the same about, and we should all respect that :) But I hope you enjoy what you do see, and ill leave links to where everything is bought for you!

Welcome to my rooom!

This is my desk area where I stand to do my makeup and also store all my makeup. The little wooden draws on the left keep my eye shadow palettes, face creams, moisturiser, face wash and a couple of nail varnishes.

The little pots in the middle are actually flower pots but I use them to hold my hair brushes/combs, body creams and deodorant cans and the white bowl is for all my everyday makeup such as foundation concealer etc etc etc.

(P.S I have just noticed after taking, editing and uploading this photo that my lamp shade is lop-sided, my inner OCD is going crazy just looking at it..)

Where some items are from - (You may have to copy and paste the links not click)

•                                                            Lamp -                                                                           http://www.dunelm.com/product/printed-chateau-table-lamp-1000050235

•                                      Makeup bowl (similiar) -                                                 http://www.dunelm.com/product/metal-disc-large-white-bowl-1000063946?searchTerm=bowl

•                                              Pots -                                                        http://www.ikea.com/gb/en/catalog/products/20186101/

•                                            Makeup brush pot -                                                      http://www.homebase.co.uk/en/homebaseuk/small-ceramic-heart-tealight-holder-906448

•                                                            Candle -                                                                     http://www.primark.com/en/product/white-tea-and-peony-glass-candle,R35397118021665

• Ghost perfume (my favourite winter scent to wear) -  http://www.superdrug.com/b/Ghost

On the wall above my bed I have a photo wall, which I have decorated with white and wooden photo frames with photos of friends, family, querky quotes and some photos I have taken myself, (including the photo I am most proud of taking which is the lion in the middle) I have then casually draped flower fairy lights along the top of the wall above the frames.

•                                White photo frames -                                              http://www.dunelm.com/product/distressed-cream-photo-frame-1000028748?searchTerm=white+photo+frames

•                                           Wooden frames -                                                          http://www.dunelm.com/product/natural-wooden-bulldog-clip-photo-frame-1000064947?searchTerm=wooden+photo+frames

This is my bedside table. At the moment I am burning a Cinnamon Spice candle which smells amazing, and so so festive. 

Next to the candle is my little fish tank where I home my Guppies, they breed like crazy so at the moment I have lots of little babies, hehe.

In front of the tank is a jar plant which I originally thought was fake but soon found out it wasent..

Its a bit like a succulent as its very low maintenance and you literally spray it with water once a month and it stays looking cute and pretty.

•                          Candle (similiar) -                                 http://www.homebase.co.uk/en/homebaseuk/scented-candle-jar---cinnamon-spice---20oz-106194

I LOVE this chest of drawers so much. The wood is quite oldish looking with knots in the wood which gives a vinatagy style. It sits at the end of my bed with my TV on top and lots of cosyness. The two candles at the front smell so amazingly strong of festivity that it actually smells of Christmas when I light them ;)

The fairylight cone in the background is one of my favourite things in my bedroom. It plugs into the wall (no no annoying batterys, yay!) and just sits pretty was lit up in the evening. It creates a lovely healthy glow and I often sit watching TV of an evening with just the cone and my fairy lights on and its so super cosy, eeeeek. 

•                                                      Candles -                                                                   http://www.primark.com/en/product/sweet-berry-and-patchouli,R35397118021658

•                                                    Light up cone -                                                              http://www.dunelm.com/product/silver-christmas-led-light-up-cone-1000066626?searchTerm=cone

In the centre of my bedroom floor I have this rug which is honestly the softest thing I have ever walked on, and really helps to add a bit of life to the room. I purchased it in cream, but it actually has a touch if green in it which is perfect for me as it matches the style in my bedroom! So heres a cosy photo of me stood on it in fluffy slippers and Christmas pajamas...

•     Rug (similar) -                   http://www.argos.co.uk/static/Product/partNumber/9263941.htm

•                          Christmas pajamas -                                         http://www.primark.com/en/search/search-products-results?q=christmas%20pajamas&c=women 

And lastly, this is the place I sit and blog, on my bed with my green throw and stag duvet cover in a room full of candles and fairy lights - heaven! 

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September Favourites

WHERE IS THE YEAR GOING?! 

I genuinely feel like somebody threw me in a time machine at the beginning of May and transferred me five months into the future.

But I am in no way complaining..September and October mark the beginning of Autumn and Winter, or as I like to call 'the best time of the year.'

I can't believe its Favourites time again already, and I feel especially guilty when I look back on my posts and realise that I only managed to fit in one post between my last Favourites and this one, but that's just how it is. BUT! even though time flown by I have managed to use new products and have lots of things to share with you!

Firstly, I was forced to buy a new foundation after going to numerous shops and not being able to find my foundation shade anywhere, I think this was a sign from the makeup heavens above as this new one I have found is absolutely the best.

 I was first attracted to this foundation simple because of the packaging It's so pretty, and the sort of thing that looks lovely and attractive just sat on your dressing table.

After spending ages working out which shade matched my skin I eventually went with Ivory 

(I was Classic Ivory in my old foundation Rimmel Match Perfection) and it matches my skin so perfectly, and gives a lovely even coverage, which can easily be built up if required to cover spots and blemishes etc. It also feels very light on your skin and its the sort of makeup that you forget you're wearing, which I think is the best kind. 

The only con I can find for this product is the pump is very stiff, so when you push it down you sometime have to be pull it back up yourself, but as this is a new product out I am assuming its something they will improve over time.

Secondly is the MUA Heaven & Earth eyeshadow palette. 

I love this palette! Its completely affordable and the colours are so natural and lovely, and perfect for this time of the year. At first I was sticking to the same shade everyday but I have recently starting using new combinations and love every single one. This palette doesn't come with any helpful colour combinations or suggestions like I know some do but its quite nice to be able to try out your own and find new autumnal looks. (P.S I am considering a blogpost on a few autumn makeup looks some time this month, if anybody would like to see, and this palette will definitely be featured!)

Myself and my boyfriend recently had a weekend away in my favourite place Bath, and we stayed in a hotel overnight. Once I had looked around the room we were staying in I made a bee-line for the bathroom to find the free-samples and wasn't disappointed!

Its a teenie tiny bottle of Aqueous moisturiser cream, which smells amazing and makes your skin super soft. I used it on my face after taking off my makeup and use my Simple face wash. Only a tiny amount is needed as it goes a long way. I still have this little bottle and am using it every now and then after cleansing my face. I need to find out where to buy this because its going to run out so soon :(

You may or may not already know that I have A LOT of hair. Now, I have been trying to grow my hair for a long long time as I had it all cut very short (as in above my shoulders short) and never really liked it, so have spent a few years growing it out. It's now (FINALLY) at a length that I am happy with, but as it is so ober thick (my Dad used to have an afro so I have definitely inherited the thickness of his hair!) it takes a lot to look after it, and can get dry very easily. I have recently changed my shampoo from Tresemme Deep Cleansing to Tresemme Salon Silk as the deep cleansing one is for monthly use not regular washing and was starting to make my hair very heavy and lifeless. This new shampoo is an absolute life saver though and my hair is soft, silky and healthy from root to ends, and my hair is very prone to getting dry ends but since switching shampoos it has completely changed my hair! ITS SO SOFT.

In partner to this shampoo I also came across the Tresemme Salon Silk Smoothing Serum which I apply a small amount onto damp hair - concentrating mainly on my ends - before blow-drying or leaving naturally to dry. This works with the matching shampoo and helps to give your hair a bit of life and shine. The bottle is very small, yet only a small amount is needed and its very easy to store away.

One con to this product is that it feels quite greasy on your hands (but you cannot feel this in your hair) so I always wash my hands after applying it.

Real Techniques will be the death of my bank account I am sure of it, but their brushes are just too pretty and amazing.

I purchased this little shading brush after buying a few different eye shadow palettes, 

and its perfect for blending your eye shadow into the crease of your eye lid and creating shape. The actual brush is really soft which is exactly what you need around your eyes to comfortably apply makeup. And as well as that..its just such a pretty colour and looks so good in my pot of brushes hehe.

Now finally something completely un-beauty, makeup or cosmetic related.

I am completely and utterly obsessed with Gogglebox at the moment. 

The new series has just started but as I work random shifts I can never watch them all but e4 has started re-playing all the old episodes (which I have never seen) so my evenings are sorted! Especially as they start at 11pm so I am normally home by then from late shifts to watch a couple of episodes. The only problem is..it keeps me up until about 1am every night - oops.

But totally worth it.

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